Saturday, October 18, 2014

How would I describe my parenting style, and is it working?

I used to say I was a calm parent but now I go with new age. I am not one of those parents with all these rules that I would not apply to myself (let me explain). I do not say, I do. I do not tell Noah not to eat sweets, drink, do drugs, and mistreat others and I’m having a glass of wine every night. What I say to him must also apply to myself end of story so if I do not want him to drink I don’t drink. This is not to say I won’t have a glass of wine every blue moon, but I do not believe in “do as I say not as I do” children will do what they see. Drinking is fine in moderation.

I am a strong believe in teaching children moderation. In my opinion telling children don’t eat sweets, soda, and other junk food does not teach them how to eat these things. Let’s be real they are going to turn 14, they are going to be out of your vision and then what? You are not there to tell them no soda, no cake, no candy who is there are friends who are eating those things. I started given my son cookies just after he turned one, but I would not give it to him all day and I am not afraid to tell him no. Well as of now in his life he is okay with saying he wants broccoli not a cookie or candy. If given the choice he will eat his veggies and then the sweet. This is not every time (no he does not get the cookie if he did not eat the veggies). My hopes are that when he is on his own and the decision of what he eats and drinks is up to him he will do it responsibly.

I am not caught up in what other people say about TV and tablets.
1)      Noah can watch as much TV as he wants (yes I just said that, that is a whole different post).
2)      I know everything he watches.
3)      He has a tablet

I am happy to say that Noah moderation’s his TV use (until he starts school and then I will step in). He will turn off the tablet and his show without being asked.  This is what I want him to do, TV is not fun if you can watch it all the time. Yes he plays outside, with his toys, and does other activities. I am not as caught up in how long he is watching so much as what he is watch. I do not let him watch anything with guns, violence, overly religious, anything that places too much focus on gender roles, prejudice, and racism.

I am sure at this point you can see the pattern with my parenting. I want Noah to make the decisions of what he wants to do. I know he is two, but if I do not teach him now than when? When is it okay to teach moderation if I have to wait? He is my child but he is a human that I have to help develop to live in the real world. He is not a doll and do not get to dictate his life. He is his own person with his own feelings, thoughts, wants, and standing I want him to be confident in himself.

This is not to say I have it all put together. I am dealing with a few things…

Noah not liking to read (with me). Noah will read a book just not with me, and I have some anxiety about that. I have a reading disorder and thanks to the psychology classes I know they have a habitability factor. However, my sister went to school for early childhood education and was telling me it is not uncommon for children not to like to read with some people.  I also had other mothers tell me their children did not get into books until they were in school. So I am not going to pressure him, but I did get him some really good books and he pulls them out a few times a week.  I also put posters (came with the books) on the wall. Anyways, I am not going to project my worry on him and force him to read. All be it I have had a few people tell me to do that, but I know I stopped reading for years because of being forced to do it. So I will wait and see what he does, and cross that bridge when I get there.

He won’t drink regular water. He will drink it every once in a while, but not every day. I worry about this because so much off the body is water and he needs to stay hydrated. He does drink ICE water (it is water but it has sugar and flavor added) and sometimes I can water it down but not as much as often as I would like. We are still working on that….

Disclaimer: What works for one family may not work for the next. I am not saying my parenting style is better or that you should copy me. I am just making a statement. I would be more then welcome to hear anyone else’s parenting style. 

Shakirah is a single mom to a 5 year old. She is a blogger, teacher, and graduate student. Her goal is to bring a more positive and realistic look into the lives of single mothers.

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