I had a better day then I have had the last few days, on a scale of 1 to 10 (with ten being the happiest) I am a 5. I am waking up overwhelmed and going to bed annoyed EVERY DAY. It is getting old and it is playing on my emotions, I have a family history and a personal history of depression. I feel the depression coming on…
I had been up on and off since 2 am to make matters worse Noah was up at 7:20 am. Not only is he never up that early he is irritable that early, so on top of me being tired, stressed, and overwhelmed I had to deal with an irritable toddler. The morning was beyond rough and to be honest it makes for the tired day in a row I have wanted to cry. It did get better with Noah after we went outside I was less stressed and overwhelmed so I was able to not get upset at every little thing.
However, as much joy as Noah brings me there are other things (not involving Noah) that have me just ready to say enough is enough. I am done trying some things, nothing is different and why try the same thing over and over. I do not like to say things more than twice (expect with Noah and even then I hate it) and I refuse to keep saying the same thing over and over. If I am going to honest with myself I am upset and feel like I got myself in a situation that I am mentally beyond being able to handle. I do not like stress, drama, and inconsistency and that is what I have gotten myself into it feels like. Anyways, I enjoyed Earth Day nonetheless. I am feeling a bit better so I am getting someone but I am still more stress then I want to be.
Yesterday evening my boyfriend brought me some flowers and a card, it was so sweet and helped lighten my spirits. It is always nice not to feel what you do is being overlooked or taken for granted. :)