I am going to let the pessimistic me show for a moment so I can get my worries off my chest and in the air. As of lately I feel like a horrible mother, I am tired, my temper has been short, and there is nothing to do with Noah. I feel like I out him into situations I said I never would so I could be in with someone. All that goes through my mind at night is I hope he does not remember this, and that he looks back in his life and know he always was first. I do not want to be Noah’s best friend, but I want him to see me as his mother, the person who built him up, loved him with everything, and through it all. I don't want him to think I she was never there, it always about her, she never listened. My own fears of my childhood are creeping out and it is very stressful. I suppose these are normal fears and with everything else going on this feelings are amplified.
I am now going to try and pull myself together and get back to that person I worked so hard to become. I need to find some positive influence, a prayer, and keep the negativity at bay. So I am hoping by writing this I can get there. To kind of help that I am going to post a photo every day next week on the things I am grateful for. This should get my mind back into the right place, so I can pull myself together.