The topic for the 12th day of my 30 day writing challenge is: One thing that you can’t get off of your mind right now.
I am watching Hannibal and even with all of the voices, the story line, and mystery what I read today keeps playing over and over in my mind. I was reading about set points (that is the mental place a person always goes back to) and I am thinking about how things like divorce, loss of loved one, and other things can cause changes that are life changing, that is the set point changes. I am seeing that with myself that I never went back to the person I was before I got divorced. There is a feeling of safety I have yet to get back.
Mother’s Day was yesterday and this is adding to the weight of things. After Noah’s father took him the first full day I spent with Noah out of the hospital was on Mother’s Day in 2012. There is always a feeling in me that I will look up and Noah will be gone again. Even after getting Noah back there is a feeling of safety I have yet to get back. Between the divorce and Noah being taken I have no idea what my set point is. I don’t know where I go back to, to be normal. I don’t know what normal me is, and how long does it take to get back to my set point after what happened with Noah? Do I ever get back to my set point? It would be nice to talk to other mothers who have been through that, to get help with how to move past it.
Anyways, that is what is on my mind and what is playing on my subconscious. I sometimes feel like this on top of everything this is a stress I really do not need. With that said I am hoping I well feel a bit better getting it off my chest.