I am writing this at the park so dismiss the typos. The topic for the 30th day of my 30 day writing challenge is: Has anything about you changed in the last 30 days? If so what?
I am going off of the last 30 days and not when I started the challenge because that was the end of April (the 26th) So it has taken me more like 60 days to finish (still better than the year and half for the last 30 day challenge I started) the challenge. With that said something has changed in the last 30 days and that has been me body shaming myself.
I have a tendency to look and the mirror and think very negative thoughts about myself. If my self-esteem was based around what others thought it would be good. Just a few weeks ago a women was asking me if I really had Noah and how did I lose the baby weight. These are not to uncommon questions for me to hear but I still look at myself and think I should be toned, or “more fit”, or I should weight more, eat more, and the list goes on. I made a very conscious decision last week to stop body shaming myself. I do not have to be anything more than who I am and if no one likes it that is fine. I don’t’ have to be more toned, “more fit”, weight more, eat more, or anything else. I just have to be happy with me as me, and doing all these extra stuff is not going to make me more happy with my body it’s going to make me alright with someone else’s vision of what’s beautiful. I do not want a six pack, wash board abs, or to lift 70ib weights, and have a defined body. What I want is to be healthy mentally, psychically, emotionally, and spiritually, I don’t want to count calories or not drink soda I want to do those things with understanding they don’t have to be done every day and in moderation (which I always do). I don’t want to be that person who looks great, workouts, and eats like a cow. I want to be that person who feels great, does yoga (because I enjoy it), and eats what makes her mind and body happy not just her body.