Well I have not written in a while for a few reasons one being the fact that I was getting back to Georgia and spent a day on the bus. Noah had a great time but I was so tired. Anyways, I spent yesterday trying to rest so today I am going to get back to writing. The topic for the 16th day of my 30 day writing challenge is: Something you think about that can always bring you to tears.
There are a few events in my life that will always bring me to tears. But the one I am going to talk about today is when my older sister attempted suicide in 2006. It is one of those moments where life really stood still and if I let myself really think about it I get angry and sad.
I should start by saying I do not have these ideas that people who kill themselves go to hell or somehow horrible selfish people. I think everyone gets to a point where living in their world both physically and mentally becomes intolerable and it is human nature to find a way out of situations like that. My older sister is transgendered (well intersex but it is not as well known) growing up in the south, with a Muslim family, a mother with mental illness, who did drugs, abused alcohol, and often times put her needs above her children’s. I am not transgendered and I can state with certainty that growing up was hard, and if I had a battle with myself about who I was that it would have been even harder.
One day in 2006 my older sister took a lot of pills and she had been off the whole morning. I was sick and she and I were taking GED classes together so I stayed home and she went to class. I noticed about an hour later she was back and when she was taking you could not understand a word coming out of her mouth (everything was jumbled), an ambulance was called and she was hospitalized for 2 days and then spent 3 days in a mental hospital. I spent 8 hours of the first day at the hospital with her and it is something I will never forget, she said something that she had said many times before (I cannot remember what she was saying), but she was saying it so I would laugh. I remember crying and laughing at the same time thinking that she could be dying and she wants me to smile. It was both painful but uplifting at the same time, she always thought about us (her siblings) and our well-being.
Anyways I am starting to get upset thinking about it.I in no way harbor any negative feelings about what happened. But it is a moment in my life where I could feel my world fall apart around me. It was a moment that could have changed the course of my life forever, and it is still something that will bring me to tears.