Why am I crying over cookies?

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Early this week my son had cookies, for breakfast because the one granola bar left he wouldn’t eat, and everything else was soup. In moments like that I hold back tears and think “why do I have to do this alone?”


Early this week my son had cookies for breakfast.In moments like that I hold back tears and think “why do I have to do this alone?”

Single parenthood is a trial, feels like a financial pit, and there is never enough help. I think it took two people to make this child, but only one of us is here. Shoes are getting too small, pants have holes in them, and toys are falling apart. Moments like that I think “I just want help.” I want someone to play with him so I can clean (really clean), read, eat a hot meal, and sleep a little more. I want someone to tell me every now and again “this is hard, but I am here to help.” I want to take a shower longer than 5 minutes, and not have little eyes on me.  In those moments I think “why the f**k did his father mess us up?” Just as my tears start to give way to anger, Noah says “I like cookies in the morning.” He says it with a huge smile and cookies all over his teeth. That moment reminds me…




He does not know things are hard, he thinks today was the day mommy gave up and gave him cookies for breakfast. (Because he will ask me 5 out of 7 days a week for cookies in the morning.) I see that smile and I remember why I choose to do this alone. That Noah in a home that has hard times is better than a home of abuse. That he’ll learn through me that hard times happen, and you push forward. I’ll remember how cookies for breakfast was heart breaking, he’ll remember a good morning.

It is so easy to go lost in what is “supposed” to be happening, but what is happening is what we have. Would I have felt more like a “good mother” if he ate his fruit and granola bar for breakfast? Sure, but life happens, and sometimes we just have cookies. Single motherhood is many mornings of cookies for breakfast. Mom holding back tears, and a little person thinking this is the best. A  smile that is a reminder that a few hard times do not define a childhood. 



If you like what you are read subscribe to the blog and follow me on Bloglovin & Facebook.

21 comments

  1. This post is so touching. Thank you for sharing. Noah is so lucky to have a caring mom like you <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. Holding back my tears....as I smile... Noah is lucky...so are you... Lets not forget the force who is always there by our side to comfort, protect, guide, and provide for us.
    Your sister...Tee

    ReplyDelete
  3. I read that as tears rolled down my face. You're a great mom and things will get better. You can do this! Continue to hold on and keep the faith. Ik the future has great things in store for you both! ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, I am keeping the faith and moving forward. 😇

      Delete
  4. What powerful writing, you have captured the myriad of emotions so simply and so beautifully. It is hard, and I wish I could help. Big hug to you and Noah.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You sounds like such a wonderful mother. You Noah is so blessed.

    ReplyDelete
  6. So hard, it's hard even with a husband in the picture sometimes financially and time wise so I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be for you doing it on your own. He is a blessed boy though that he had a mom strong enough to get out of a bad situation and protect his future attitude towards people. I hope you wind up meeting and connecting with some other moms in your area who can swap a time here or there to have a few minutes aside for themselves a week! Wish we lived closer, my kid would love a playdate with another little boy who prefers sweets for breakfast so you could take some self time. :) <3 Keep on keeping strong and reach out to someone you know. SOmetimes people don't want to offer because they don't know what to offer, but am sure there are some moms or even retired moms whose kids are off at college that would love a young family to share some time with when needed. You're doing good, everything is going to be more than ok.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, and that is a wonderful idea about hooking up with other moms.

      Delete
  7. I grew up with a single mother. It was hard and I didn't realize truly how hard it was until I was older. Your son has no idea how you're struggling right now. He just thinks that it's awesome he's getting to eat cookies for breakfast. Being a single mother is hard work girl and you should be proud of everything that you'e done for him and are still doing! One day at a time!!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Keep moving forward and go get your nails done :) Do something that's just for you and don't feel guilty doing it either!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL I am going to get a tattoo.

      Delete
  9. I wanna give you a hug:) To be honest just like we remember the silly everyday moments so do they. I ate cookies for breakfast too

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL sounds like a good breakfast.

      Delete
  10. Its Really a good break fast.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Noah is so lucky to have you as a mom! And cookies in the morning never hurt anyone. :)

    ReplyDelete

Popular Posts

where to find me

SMWAL © . QUINN CREATIVES .