I have been going through a lot personally, I have so much psychologically going on it may being causing physical problems. However, at this point I do not want talk about the psychological problems I want to talk about happiness. I was on the phone with the guy I am seeing, and he said something to me that has me thinking.
He said “I think you do not think you deserve to be happy.”
This is not the first time I have heard this in fact almost every guy I've dated at one point are another has asked me about or told me I push happiness away. I feel like I do not really know when I am happy outside of being a mother. I do not think I was truly happy before becoming a mother, but my happiness cannot be so tied into one role in my life, because it leaves so much of me still unsure. I have a lot of soul searching I have to do and I have to start some time so now is as good a time as ever. I started meditating and along with that I answered 5 questions by Dona from Tiny Buddha.
1. What or who would you be if you knew you couldn’t fail?
If I knew I could not fail I would be a human rights lawyer. Going to school for law was my first choice, I wanted to stand up and fight for people could not do it themselves.
2. What is your Ninety-Second Personal Elevator Speech?
I am a mother, a student, a sister. I’m an introvert and this is obvious in many ways I interact with people. I like to be alone in most cases or with a very small group. The only time I come out of my shell in social setting is if I am working, and I feel it is aiding in my purpose. I am not sure of a lot of things in this life but I am sure my purpose is to help others. . I try my hardest to be understanding and non-judgmental of others. To remember so many things impact who were are, and we all deserve to be safe, happy, and equal.
3. What are your core personal values?
I used an assessment (it is free) to help me understand what my values are they are listed as mots important (a) to least importunate (e).
a) Family Happiness
e) Financial security
4. What makes you genuinely happy?
Family makes me very happy, doing things that not only make my family happy but other families happy as well. The things on my list all build u to making my family (Noah and I) happier.
5. If money were no object, how would you live your life differently?
I would live more stress free, and do more with others. I would do more volunteering. I would not think about it I would leave the south.
This was a process that has brought to light the fact that my values have changed and that part of the issues I maybe having is spirituality is important to me and I have let that part of my life slip. I need to get back to what is important to me.
Please join me on my journey of self-discovery and answer 5 Question to Discover Who you are and What Will Make You Happy.