Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Why Forgiveness is all You Need to be a Better Mother.

We have all had relationships fall apart none that can leave such a long lasting negative feeling as romantic relationships when children are involved. Many single mothers did not become that way because they chose to do this alone (although some have). In most cases this was a painful and heart breaking process.  Should you be a single mother because the father left, you left, domestic abuse, cheating, whatever, you have to grieve. I had all these ideas about how it would be when I got pregnant. I think all women do and in most cases this ideas are positive. It is heart ranching when those expectations are not lived. You than have to find a way to let go of the expectations you once had and accept what you have. How I became a single mother was not a fairly tail there was abuse, lies, cheating, and I was kicked out while pregnant (yea I picked a winner). With all that I happened I still managed to grieve and find forgiveness. I have had a few people ask why forgive him? Here are the reason I always give:

Forgiveness really is for you and not the other person when you start the journey to forgive it can be hard to see that but I promise you get all of the benefits.
1)      He does not get to have any more power over my happiness.
2)      My son and I deserve to be happy and we cannot do that if I am angry.
3)      My son is watching and learning through me.
4)      It is me lifting a weight off of my son and I’s shoulders.
5)      I am not forgetting.

That last part is importunate many people think you forgive you forget. No, you forgive and you remember. What you do not do is hold what happened over their head or yours. Forgiving my son father took work, however, it was one of the best things I have every done. The top benefits I have gotten from forgiving have been:

1)      Less stress
2)      I am happier.
3)      I do not think about my son father in a positive or negative way (in most cases).
4)      I am teaching my son how to forgive.
5)      I am leaving the door open for my son to decide without my judgement how to feel about his father.

The benefits of forgiveness could go on and on. Forgiveness really is for you and not the other person when you start the journey to forgive it can be hard to see that but I promise you get all of the benefits.I would like the chance to help other mothers find forgiveness. Let’s get rid of the anger, resentment, pain, and sadness. So you can find some inner peace for you and your child (ren).

This is not just for forgiving fathers this could be about your mother, brother, sister, or anyone. If you want to take the steps to forgive join me to start the New Year in a positive way, and all you have to do is subscribe.

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Shakirah is a single mom to a 5 year old. She is a blogger, teacher, and graduate student. Her goal is to bring a more positive and realistic look into the lives of single mothers.


  1. Forgiveness is so important. What a great gift for your child!

    1. It is I hope I am teaching him the importance of forgiveness.

  2. After all you went through it must have been difficult to forgive, but you're right - you need to do it for you and your child. What a great example you're showing for him!