Friday, July 15, 2016

My Self-Love Journey So Far

Self love is not just about loving oneself but about telling the rest of the world that they cannot define who you are. Self hatred can be a crippling thing and can effect every aspect of ones life.
Single mom, body, image,  self-love, postive
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.” – Harvey Fierstein

January 1st, 2016
I did the ItWorks wraps (4 of them) and I decided after the third one and consideration of buying Piyo that I am not posting pictures. I am not going to say if it worked or not, I am not going to buy Piyo, I am not going to do anymore workouts I do not enjoy. I am not going to eat, drink, or take anything that I do not want for the sake of being what the media says I should look like.
I have never wanted to be that girl who is so obsessed with bouncing back from having a baby. Yet that is what I have become and Noah is now 3 (when I wrote this part of the post) and I am saying enough is enough. I am going to learn to love me as I am if it kills me. If everyone else is seeing the same body, I had before Noah than the problem is what I am seeing and no amount of ItWork’s or Beach Body is going to help with that. I am going to allow myself to start a journey of self-love that does not involve me trying to tone up, change my already strict diet, and taking or drinking anything that is a “quick fix”.
I am going to do yoga and go on walks because I enjoy it, because it is healthy for my mind and body. I am going to buy a crop top and face my demons. I am not going to let someone elses idea of what is beautiful creep in and begin to define what I know is beautiful.
July 8th, 2016
I am now more than half way through my self-love journey and it has been amazing. First let me talk a bit about what I planned to give up for a year and what I did give up to learn self-love.
Planned on giving up
All products that change the way I view myself this included hair relaxers and dyes, stretchmark creams and lotions, and makeup (well to much of it), no new piercings or tattoos, unfriend and unfollow all things that contradict this journey.
What I gave up
Hair relaxers and dyes- I gave these up for 5 months. I ended up relaxing my hair for health of my hair and dying it because I had to start interviewing (my hair was multicolored).
Stretchmark creams and lotions- I still have not used these products however, I held on to these products until last week. I am very happy to say last week I trashed everything and I feel relieved.
Makeup – I have worn little to no makeup since January.
Piercings and tattoos – I wanted to get a piercing for my birthday but I gave it up for this journey. I have also put off all plans for new tattoos until next year.
Unfriend and unfollow – I had to unfriend and unlike a lot of pages on Facebook and Instagram after starting this journey. I did not unfriend everyone I used good judgement but if I found myself stopping and thinking “I wish I looked like that” I removed the page or unfollowed the friend. I do not feel now that I am as influenced by others but when this journey first started I 100% needed to give these negative influences up.

How this self-love journey has affected me.
I am not going to lie when I first started this I did not see much of a change. I still felt like I needed my pre-baby body back. However, after about 90 days it started to hit me, my hair is really not that bad a color, my stretchmarks are not really a big deal, it’s okay if my stomach is not as flat, and its fine if I do not want to eat a salad every day for launch. The one thing that had the biggest effect was the realization that I want my pre-baby body  not for myself but because  I have been PROGRAMMED to want it. As women are valued through two things our children and our body. My body had a baby it should not look like it did before I had him. The number 1 thing I can say as women we need to stop reading, watching, talking, and promoting this idea that we need to go back to something. My body was not better before having my son. In fact, I am the healthiest I have been in my life since having my son. My weight is up, I eat better (yes I ate less before having Noah), I get up and move more now, and my asthma is almost 100% controlled with little to no medication. When I think about all these pros why would I want to go back? Why do we tell ourselves and others they need to go back?
My goals for the rest of the year.
I did wear two crop tops this year but I was very self-conscious in them (I knew I would be), but I want to wear at least two more tops before it gets to cold. I also am going to wear my first two-piece bathing suit. That is right I have never worn a two-piece bathing suit in front of others. Before this summer is out I very much intended to do just that. I am excited about how far I have come and cannot wait to see what the rest of this year brings.
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” – Buddha

How does the media effect your views of yourself?

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Single mom, body, image,  self-love, postive

Shakirah
Shakirah

Shakirah is a single mom to a 5 year old. She is a blogger, teacher, and graduate student. Her goal is to bring a more positive and realistic look into the lives of single mothers.

11 comments:

  1. There is power in accepting ourselves for who we are and rejecting society's idea of who we should be. Well done to you for taking the steps necessary to make yourself happy in the skin you're in!

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  2. I'm proud of you! Many people lack self-love. This causes negative thinking, negative choices & a negative life. You must love yourself before you can love anyone else completely and lead a positive and happy life. I feel that as long as I'm at a healthy weight and making healthier living and eating choices, I'm doing awesome. :)

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  3. Honestly you are so naturally beautiful you don't need makeup. I will tell you as someone creeping up on 50 that as you get older you don't care as much about those things and it is a freeing experience. Self love is hard but necessary, however you find it

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    1. Thank you! You are not the first person to tell me this. I am really happy about that.

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  4. Deciding not to let anyone else define you is an incredible step! One that most people aspire to but never achieve. The fact that you outlined your goals and then took tangible steps to get there is really impressive...and inspiring. Not only does the media define what we think we should look like, but what we think. My goal in recent years has been to check sources with different biases (because they're all biased) to see different perspectives before making decisions about what is true.

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    1. I am like that. I think that is why so many people come to me for advice. I am very much take the middle road kind of girl because as you stated its all biased.

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  5. Its so inspiring to read your post. If you can't live with yourself, you cant live with anyone.

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  6. The most important is that you are healthy! You eat healthy, you feel healthy..you look healthy! :)

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    1. That is all that matters. :)

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