Friday, March 10, 2017

4 Ways Single Moms Sabotage Romantic Relationships

Dating is 10 times harder as a single mother and the fact that the media tells us we are not good enough or able to find and keep good men we try and change and we unknowingly sabotage our relationships. I am just as guilty as other single mothers I have seen doing it. There are many ways to kill a relationship but I have found these for things to be the most common.
Dating is 10 times harder as a single mother and the fact that the media tells us we are not good enough or able to find and keep good men we try and change and we unknowingly sabotage our relationships. I am just as guilty as other single mothers I have seen doing it. There are many ways to kill a relationship but I have found these four things to be the most common.

We explain everything.  
I am so guilty of this in EVERY relationship I have. I am getting myself out of it but I am finding once you explain everything to a guy they want you to keep doing it. However, feeling like you have to explain and justify why you are doing something will kill a part of you. You feel like if the other person feels you do not have a valid reason than you have to just go along to get along. I am telling you to stop. Don’t explain a child emergency, why you don’t want to eat somewhere, or why you disagree. What you feel, believe, and must do is enough without justification. I am not saying not to talk with one another but don’t feel you HAVE to do it.

Trying to over compensate. 
We as single mothers tend to do more of what we don’t want to do because we are hard to be in a relationship with. This is a really bad idea (and once again I am guilty of this) and it will make you feel like after a while all you are doing is giving or you don’t want to deal with the other person. My advice put your foot down about some things, if you hate clubs make that clear, YOU DO NOT WANT TO GO, but you will suck it up about soccer and watch that with him. Make sure what you really have is give and take, and not you giving and giving, and him just taking.

Getting into something we really don’t want or staying in something we really don’t want. 
A lot of single moms get with a guy for fear they cannot do better and I am going to tell you right now you can and if you can’t stay single. The stress of staying with someone you really do not like is tiresome to say the least. Now on the opposite end you have single moms who get with a guy they like but later on are not sure they want to stay, but do.  Why single mothers want out of a relationship is for different reason. One of those reasons maybe you realize you don’t want to get married but the other person does. You stay, but you know deep down it is time to leave. These mixed feelings turn into a lot of conflict not only in the relationship but inside yourself (trust me).

Feeling guilty to say this is all I can give (right now). 
We see in society what dating should be like and then there is what it’s going to be. Fact is as single mothers we have to say we cannot do that. If you can’t meet up every weekend say that. If he can’t understand that you just saved yourself, stress heartache, and time.

Have you ever unknowingly sabotaged a romantic relationship and realized it later on?

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Dating is 10 times harder as a single mother and the fact that the media tells us we are not good enough or able to find and keep good men we try and change and we unknowingly sabotage our relationships. I am just as guilty as other single mothers I have seen doing it. There are many ways to kill a relationship but I have found these for things to be the most common.

Shakirah
Shakirah

Shakirah is a single mom to a 5 year old. She is a blogger, teacher, and graduate student. Her goal is to bring a more positive and realistic look into the lives of single mothers.

4 comments:

  1. I don`t why women make these mistakes. I`ve been guilty of a few, then I read Steve Harvey`s book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man a year ago. And now that I`m back dating I`m putting a lot of his wisdom into practice. :)

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    1. I am happy you found that book. I am happy to have learned some of this through watching others and some as you read I am guilty of.

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  2. It would be so hard to find love as a single mom. Your decisions on the right person have to be more strict and come sooner, putting extra pressure on the whole process. You're not just finding someone you connect with, but someone that is good for your child. It must be so hard!

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  3. I never had this problem but it make me think of a song 'homewrecker'. Thank you for this bog post. xx

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